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After Reading Thrivers: 10 Things I Changed in my Parenting

  • Writer: Allison Lloyd
    Allison Lloyd
  • Jan 14
  • 3 min read

Practical Ways Parents Can Help Their Kids Thrive (Without Doing More)


After reading Thrivers by Michelle Borba, EdD, I walked away with one clear realization:

Thriving isn’t about adding more to our parenting plates. It’s about shifting how we show up in everyday moments.


This book didn’t ask me to become a different parent. It asked me to become a more intentional one.


Here are actionable, realistic things parents can do, starting now, to help kids build the character strengths that actually sustain them in real life.


1. Start Naming Strengths Out Loud (Daily, Casually)


Kids don’t internalize character traits just because we value them, they internalize them because we name them.


Try:

  • “You showed perseverance when you stuck with that.”

  • “That was empathetic, you noticed how they felt.”

  • “You’re someone who keeps going.”

Tip: Use nouns, not just verbs. “You’re a problem-solver” sticks longer than “You solved that.”


2. Shift Praise From Outcomes to Effort


Instead of:

  • “You’re so smart.”

  • “Great job getting an A.”

Try:

  • “I noticed how much effort you put into that.”

  • “You kept going even when it was hard.”

This builds:

  • Self-confidence

  • Perseverance

  • A growth mindset

And it reduces fear of failure.


3. Let Kids Struggle Without Rescuing Them


This one is uncomfortable.And powerful.

Before stepping in, ask:

  • Can my child handle this with support instead of rescue?

  • Is this a problem they need to learn to solve?


Struggle (within safe limits) teaches:

  • Self-control

  • Perseverance

  • Confidence

  • Problem-solving

You’re not being unsupportive, you’re being future-focused.


4. Normalize Mistakes (Including Your Own)


Kids learn how to handle failure by watching us handle ours.

Try saying:

  • “That didn’t work. What can we learn?”

  • “I made a mistake. Here’s how I’m fixing it.”

  • “This is a ‘not yet,’ not a ‘never.’”

Mistakes stop being shameful when they’re treated as information.


5. Protect Time for Connection (Especially Face-to-Face)

Thrivers thrive in relationships.

Create small, regular moments for connection:

  • Device-free dinners

  • Short walks together

  • Five-minute check-ins at bedtime

  • Car conversations without phones

Connection fuels:

  • Empathy

  • Emotional regulation

  • Moral development

  • Resilience

You don’t need hours.You need consistency.


6. Teach Kids to Name and Manage Emotions


Kids can’t regulate emotions they can’t name.

Help them learn:

  • “What am I feeling?”

  • “What caused it?”

  • “How big is it really?”

  • “What helps me calm down?”

Practice calming tools before emotions explode:

  • Deep breathing

  • Movement

  • Music

  • Stepping away

Emotional regulation is a skill: not a personality trait.


7. Reduce Overscheduling (One Small Cut Counts)


Thriving kids aren’t constantly busy.

If life feels frantic, try:

  • Cutting one activity

  • Preserving unstructured time

  • Letting boredom exist

Boredom is where:

  • Creativity

  • Curiosity

  • Self-direction is born.

Free play isn’t wasted time, it’s protective.


8. Encourage Curiosity Without Rewarding Everything


Not everything needs a prize.

Support curiosity by:

  • Asking open-ended questions

  • Letting kids tinker and experiment

  • Allowing creative risks

  • Valuing questions over answers

Curiosity grows when kids feel safe to explore without pressure.


9. Teach Kids to Advocate for Themselves


Instead of always stepping in, teach:

  • How to stay calm

  • How to assert needs respectfully

  • How to use “I” statements

  • How to look confident when speaking

Confidence comes from practice, not protection.


10. Model the Character You Want to See


This is the hardest and most effective step.

Kids learn thriving by watching:

  • How we handle stress

  • How we talk to ourselves

  • How we treat others

  • How we recover from mistakes

  • Whether we stay hopeful in hard moments

We are living textbooks.

And the good news? We don’t have to be perfect, just aware.


Final Thought


Helping kids thrive doesn’t require:

  • More programs

  • More pressure

  • More control

It requires intention, repetition, and connection.

This book reminded me that thriving isn’t about raising impressive kids,


 It's about raising kids who can handle life when it doesn’t go as planned.

 
 
 

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