Why Empathy Matters More Than Ever: A Mom's Guide to Raising Kinder Kids Inspired by the book Unselfie by Dr. Michele Borba Ed.D

In a world where likes, followers, and selfies reign supreme, it's more important than ever to raise kids who lead with empathy and not ego. That’s the heart of Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Dr. Michele Borba, a powerful and practical parenting book that lays out exactly how we can grow compassion in our kids and why it matters so much.

Don’t have time to read the whole book? Don’t worry, mama! I’ve got you. Here are the key takeaways every busy parent can put into action today to raise kinder, more connected humans.

1. Empathy Isn’t a Trait. It’s a Skill 

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others and it can be taught. We help our kids grow empathy when we:

• Model kindness and caring behavior

• Talk about feelings openly

• Encourage them to see things from other people’s perspectives

One easy way? Use books, TV, and movies to identify characters' emotions. Ask, “How do you think they feel?” and “What would you do if you were them?”

2. Share Your Values Loud and Proud

Kids need to know what your family stands for. Create a mantra. Write them a birthday letter each year that includes values you want them to remember. Encourage positive self-talk. Talk about what being a good person looks like in your home.

3. Practice CARE: The Steps to Raising Caring Kids

Teach empathy by addressing uncaring behavior with this simple framework:

• Call attention to uncaring

• Assess the impact on others

• Repair the hurt

• Express your own feelings about it

  
  

4. Help Kids Manage Big Emotions

Empathy starts with self-regulation. Help kids calm themselves with techniques like:

• Mindful breathing

• Visualizing a safe space

• Talking through their feelings

• Providing a quiet space to decompress

Model staying calm. Show them it’s okay to feel. All feelings are welcome, but not all behaviors are.

5. Read, Read, Read

Fiction is empathy training. The more you read to your kids, the more they learn to step into someone else’s shoes. Use “what if” and “how would you feel” questions while reading to deepen the impact.

6. Teach Kids to Be Upstanders, Not Bystanders

Dr. Borba offers a powerful acronym STAND UP to help kids support others:

• Seek support

• Tell a trusted adult

• Assist the victim

• Negate negativity

• Design a detour

• Use distraction

• Pause and rethink

These actions give kids the tools to respond with compassion when others are being mistreated.

7. Stretch Their Moral Courage

Empathy is the seed, but courage is the action. Help your kids build moral courage by:

• Expecting them to be socially responsible

• Sharing real-life heroes who inspire bravery

• Letting them face small fears to build confidence

• Not rescuing them from every challenge—instead, guide them through

  
  

8. Tune In to Feelings

Emotional literacy is the ability to identify, understand, and express emotions. This is the gateway to empathy.

Help kids by:

• Building a rich emotional vocabulary

• Learning to read non-verbal cues

• Naming feelings in real time

• Making space to talk (especially during unplugged family time like dinner)

  
  

9. Model and Practice Kindness

Kindness isn’t just nice it’s powerful. It reduces anxiety, boosts self-esteem, increases happiness, and even improves health. The key? Practice. Give kids opportunities to help, care, and give back daily.

10. Protect Time for Connection

Empathy isn’t learned through screens. Set unplugged times. Check your own digital habits. Have regular family meals. Share feelings out loud. Be emotionally available. The time we give our kids is how they learn to give time to others.

In Summary If you want to raise resilient, emotionally intelligent, and kind-hearted kids, Unselfie gives you the map. Even if you don’t read the whole book, start with these 10 takeaways and sprinkle them into your daily routines.

Because in the end, our greatest legacy won’t be what we post online—but the empathy we plant in our kids that grows into a kinder world.

Inspired by the teachings of Dr. Michele Borba's “Unselfie.” If you want to dig deeper, it’s absolutely worth the full read.